Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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