I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
