My brain says no but my pants say off.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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