i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
