I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
