Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
