After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
