Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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