That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
