Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
