she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
