she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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