Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
