remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Vodka?
Forever.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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