Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
