I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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