My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
