I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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