It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
