So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
