I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
