I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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