I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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