he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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