if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
