Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
