Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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