either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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