I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
