2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
