ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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