if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
