I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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