Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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