She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
