I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
