I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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