So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
