Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
