I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
