You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
