How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
