Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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