You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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