As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I came so hard my ears popped.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
