Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
