Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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