At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
