i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
