Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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